Jared's "Bottom Line"/Witty Counterpart to Jesse's Serious Reporting

WRAP-UP: The likelihood that Carly Schildhaus is drinking "Seagram's Ginger Ale" is as slim as the prospect that Chris Dodd will win re-election. 

WRAP-UP: I'm off to the gym to sweat out these SA toxins 

9:43 p.m. Kim Wollner bitches me out for the "funeral" comment 

9:42 p.m. "Have a good summer!" says Kyle, as he sharpens his shank 

9:41 p.m. Last meeting of the Senate is adjourned....I need to go change myself now 

9:40 p.m. Resolution passes 

9:39 p.m. Ali poses motion to amend...passes

9:38 p.m. Tanney basically sums up resolution as a something that will be "passed on" to next Senate w/ a hearty "Good luck to you." 

9:37 p.m. Logan voices his opposition to the measure 

9:36 p.m. Komo pleads for everyone to carefully examine the legislation 

9:35 p.m. Kyle if you are reading this right now, give me a discrete hand signal 

9:34 p.m. I think I had a night terror last week that mimicked this scenario

9:32 p.m. Vote to suspend procedure and reinstate the issue on the agenda passes

9:31 p.m. Nick just killed his own legislation...I'm very confused

9:30 p.m. Senate-elect Nick Polk botches procedure like failed neurosurgery 

9:28 p.m. Michelle cites "substantial student support"...homeless vagabonds don't count, Michelle 

9:27 p.m. If he says "ya'll" one more time, someone's going to get cut (or jumped in the alleyway) or both...

9:26 p.m.  Polk is fed up with the "shmear" campaign...deli cream cheese?!? Y'all

9:25 p.m. "Let's vote on this, guys!" says Polk 

9:25 p.m. Nick takes full responsibility for constitutional revamp 

9:24 p.m. "Voting by proxy" sounds like something the U.S. Senate should never take up

9:32 p.m. I'm hearing either a eulogy or an admissions sales pitch from her. 

9:22 p.m. Tanney: "I am disappointed that people would make these baseless accusations" [regarding her character] 

9:21 p.m. Tanney says some are here "to inflate their egos" and have "secret agendas" 

9:20 p.m. Nick Polk arrives 20 minutes late...I will refrain from speculation 

9:19 p.m. Michelle Tanney has taken the reigns 

9:18 p.m. Vishal: "You all need to look at yourselves"...great piece of advice 

9:17 p.m. Vishal: "Students don't need people who are going to check out"....blissfully ironic 

9:16 p.m. Kyle reads the "riot act" to the senators (in terms of speaking succinctly and respectfully)

9:15 p.m. Public participation finished

9:14 p.m. Chistopher Jenkins, a double alum and former parliamentarian, says that a new constitution is "at least 10 years overdue"

9:13 p.m. Rob Lockwood's auburn hair is shimmering in the fluorescent light

9:12 p.m. Dan Curran eats a salad from Chop't...I don't know if it's him or his brother

9:11 p.m. Phil Bianchi's role is apparently sitting in a pink shirt and caressing his Coke Zero

9:10 p.m. Louis Laverone enters like Julius Caesar just before he got mugged on the floor of the Senate

9:09 p.m. The Alpha Phi contingent (Carly) has sauntered in 

9:08 p.m. This body operates like a 1920s Prohibition "speak easy"

9:07 p.m. I want the name of Kyle's tailor...classy man

9:06 p.m. Kim Wollner is dressed like she just came from Ronald Reagan's funeral 

9:05 p.m. Julie has been in the room less than 15 minutes and has already been sexually harassed repeatedly.